Being comfortable in your own company / updates on life

It's hard, being alone.

Being without internet and social media in a digital age, is increasingly something which is simply not possible.

Many people have noted that their anxiety levels go up when being constantly connected, and that they have a real fear of missing out.

I few weeks ago I had an almost digital detox - for around a week, which felt amazing after the initial weirdness.

But now I feel so behind on replying to messages that there is no way to catch up.

And maybe that's ok.

Anyway, I've decided to do more 'nothing' days, and take more care of myself and my environment and do small things to feel good in simple ways.


Today I had a very nice 'comfy in my own company' day.

Last night I went to see my the production that two of my housemates are involved in - 'Anything Goes' and slept in today until around 12, got up, sorted some laundry, opened my curtains to a bright and sunny but cold Novembers' day, and tidied my room a little. I went for a walk outside on a vague mission to find some maps or atlases to use for a film/art project at the local charity book-shop.

I really love this shop in particular. There seems to be a really good selection of old / vintage books as well as new ones and old vinyls and usually a good selection of old maps and books on trains.

I found a really old map of the Moray Firth - (from my native Scotland) - and a book on Margot Fonteyn (the famous ballet dancer) which was also old and a bit musty in a lovely way.

It felt fitting because I have recently started dancing again after doing the Royal Academy of Dance ballet grades from when I was at school (I started aged 3 or 4) - to quite a high level - and also did the vocational RAD Intermediate Foundation exam in ballet. I helped with teaching the younger kids on Saturday mornings, and with the younger ballet exams and the dance shows. I also did jazz/modern and tap. As well as this, I trained with Ballet West's youth programme for a while, and performed in places such as the Edinburgh Playhouse. So to go from dancing around 4 or 5 (sometimes more!) times a week when I was around 14 to 17 to basically quitting altogether when I moved to The Netherlands when I was 18 - it's been quite odd to get back into dancing again. Altogether, I haven't been going to dance classes for around 4 years, so I am really proud that I made it onto the Royal Holloway contemporary dance team (having done little to no contemporary before) this year, and even though sometimes I feel I am the worst on the team, I am so so happy to be part of it. My technique is still there for the most part, and it is mostly flexibility, fitness, attack and confidence that I need to improve. It has made me realise alot how much my confidence has dropped in the past 4 years, but I feel my fitness improve week on week and notice myself feeling so good to be part of a team (because most other things that I do or have done for a long time are or have been quite individual endeavors), and every time I get a little more daring with movement.

Tangent aside - I got two books for £1 each. YAS!

Then I popped into Costa because they were doing the Christmas coffees and I got a gingerbread cream latte with the little stars on top - complete with a mini gingerbread man.

I sat on a bench outside and enjoyed the autumn/winter sun as I was wrapped up in my scarf which more closely resembles a blanket.

Then I had a bit of a wander. I am rarely in Egham at the weekends, or at least it feels like that, and it was nice to walk around without needing to be anywhere and without any real sense of purpose.

I went to the most odd shop 'Egham Essentials' which, ironically, sells probably almost nothing essential at all. It is a mish mash mix of random stuff that you might need. I was looking for a 'Welcome' foot mat thing for when you come into a house to wipe your feet on. It's for a my art / film installation project. Don't ask. (Ha. I will probably post about it mid-December when it's finished).

Then I went to the phone shop to get a memory card for my phone, and to the stationary shop to get a sketchbook (again, for aforementioned project).

I had a little look in some of the charity shops and there was a bag I liked but couldn't quite justify buying. But there were also lots of cute things by Oxfam that would make good Christmas presents.

I went to Waitrose to look at what they have and to give me some lunch inspiration. I love it in there, but I really shouldn't go there too much or else I would be broke.

I decided that I fancied a sortof savoury brunch. I've recently taken to fresh tomatoes and cured meats like salami, chorizo, parma ham and so on with some cream cheese or feta or in particular this red-pepper cream cheese. I went to Tesco and couldn't find it so I bought some red pepper humous instead, with some crackers (the super light ones - I'm not sure exactly what you call them here, will need to check the packet - but in The Netherlands you have them with butter and they are called 'krakertjes' or 'crackertjes'? Ahhh sorry my Dutch spelling is rubbish) salami and tomatoes.

I spent the rest of the afternoon having a very long and relaxing shower, eating the tomato cracker combo and watching some documentaries on 'Broadly' (part of Vice network).

Now I've put on another load of laundry and am watching some Strictly Come Dancing and Graham Norton on iPlayer.


This is all probably not that interesting for you to read, but I suppose what I am saying is that for the first time in a long time, I had a day to myself with no work, and just did simple things on my own in a calm way. I didn't check my phone too much and felt really good.

I think it's really important to find little simple things in life that make you feel good.

I had a few weeks recently where I felt quite down, and at times extremely down - and some of it was due to taking on too many things that felt meaningless, or that deep-down I didn't agree with.


The last few days, most of my time has been spent doing dancing for the competition on November 28th, and thinking about things for my film art project.

Between now and my train home to Edinburgh (on the 12th of December which I booked this morning), I have to hand in all 3 mini documentary exercises (but they are all finished, so I just need to put them on a memory stick now), make the studio project for Creative Digital Arts as well as the final installation + sketchbook, a dance competition, 3 radio board meetings, 3 TV board meetings, 3 radio shows (perhaps more if I cover some other slots), will have hopefully done some volunteering at the refugee house, hopefully starting the TV series I've been working on, 2 Coffee House Sessions, 2 interesting careers talks, 3 (+) modern European films, 3 TV lectures, develop a new website for the radio station, hopefully a press pass to some events at Underwire film festival, 2 secret santas and 2 Christmas meals.

I'm excited to get started with Christmas cooking and other festive things as well as finishing painting my room and getting back into Clarsach playing. I hope that I can also do some work on some volunteer projects / film projects / essays in the New Year.

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