Things Scots Always Get Asked Abroad

"Why aren't you Ginger?" Because it's a recessive gene. Sorry to disappoint you.

"Do you eat haggis?" / "Do you eat it all the time?" / "Isn't that disgusting?" Yes / No / No

"Do you wear kilts?" / "Do you wear anything under them?" No, the boys do. / I couldn't possibly comment. (But I am informed that 'true Scotsmen' don't wear anything under them...)

"I have Scottish family! I feel so at home when I go to Scotland! (Their great great great great uncle.) Do you know [insert a random person's name]?" No. Scotland is not a village.

"You should be good at whisky - what is the best whisky?" It's all alcohol to me.

"Why is your last name not 'Mac' or 'Mc' something? / What is your clan? / What is your tartan?" Because I'm half-Irish. And anyway, Scotland has moved on since the Jacobean era.

"How do you pronounce your first name? [or just trying to pronounce it and getting it really wrong]" (CAH-TREE-NA) Just call me Cat. 

"Are there alot of sheep where you live? Do you like sheep?" I live in the middle of a city. Closest thing to a sheep is my fleece jacket, or maybe next-door's overly hairy cat. Anyway, well actually I do quite like sheep. They are very chilled out animals.

"Oh you're Scottish! So do you like Guiness?" Well I might do, but that's Ireland mate. Wrong celtic nation.

"Do you have cell phones in Scotland?" Scotland is not a cave.

"Are you Scottish, or just Christian?" Scottish is not a religion.

"Do you support Celtic or Rangers?" Neither. I don't care about football.

"Can you play bagpipes? / 'doodlezak' " No. And it's not called a 'doodlezak'.

"Do you hate England?" Yeah, probably. (What the hell?! A big bunch of my friends are English. 'Do you hate English politics?' Now that would be a more interesting question...)

"Are you pro-independence?" / "Should Scotland stay in the EU?" Long Story.

"Is it really cold?" Sometimes, yes. Compared to what?

"Why don't you have a Scottish accent?" Again, long story. (1. I never really had a very strong accent to begin with. 2. I've been around non-native English speakers for so long that I start to sub-consciously blend into their accent. Happy?)

"Have you seen 'Braveheart' / 'Trainspotting' ?" No / Yes

"Do you know (insert famous Scottish persons' name) ?" Not personally no. (Again, please refer to aforementioned 'Scotland is not a village' comment).

Photo by Murdo Macleod for The Guardian

"Oh yeah Edinburgh is amazing - I went there during the summer festival!" Yeah, Edinburgh is a bit different in the summer - we don't generally have fire-eaters on the street all year round...

"Can you do Highland dancing?" NO.

"Is Gaelic a language or just English with a Scottish accent?" Seriously? (It's a language. So is Scots. Look it up.)

"Can you throw trees?" Do I look like I can throw trees?

"I've been to the castle where Harry Potter was set / the cafe where Harry Potter was written." 1. Basically every castle in Scotland will claim that. 2. Basically every cafe in Edinburgh will claim that - especially The Elephant House, but actually most of it was written in Nicholson cafe, which is no longer in existence, because Rowling couldn't afford expensive lattes all the time.

Please feel free to comment with your experiences/ ridiculous things that you have been asked by non-Scots - I'm sure this is not the end of it ;) 

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